An unplanned essay in response to Jaime Hoerricks, PhD's "Priced Out of Personhood: A Preface" https://open.substack.com/pub/autside/p/priced-out-of-personhood-preface
I almost typed that message. In fact,. I typed a similar message to you recently. The meaning arrived wholly but all my words were borrowed — incomplete.
I was thinking in the quarter turn while reading The Future Won't Hold. It is a special kind of relief that the new series follows so soon afterwards. I feel something I can't quite name that Jamie is putting the words to it. Grateful, a little selfish, relieved....
I am similarly marketable and acceptable. Except my body is done. I don't have answers for why I hurt as much as I do. It feels so similar to my mind not being legible enough. The cause is not obvious but many things are possible. There's C-PTSD cost, burnout cost, Hyper mobility (but not EDS), injuries, postural deformations, anxiety, stress, and so on. The system wants the one that costs the least – that's the one thing I can know with certainty.
And yes, there's the part where I am surviving the collapse for longer because the ledger has some numbers remaining for me. Some options still if I'm willing to pay the cost. A mind and body both quitting but the override button is still visible most days.
I'm one of those who has very little support, a single mother of two neurodivergent young adults, none of us easily marketable. You express worry that your work won't reach those most vulnerable, and while I still enjoy some privilege as a white, cis woman, there are other vulnerabilities: my income is fixed, inflation is outpacing it. I have some creative ways to solve money problems, but there are other pressures, such as the pressure to perform my response to a collapsing future that doesn't make anyone else uncomfortable. Not too upset, or upset enough, but only in the "right" way.
My point is, maybe there are some whom your writing won't reach, but you have reached me, at least, and if me, likely others, too.
I relate strongly to a lot of this - late sixties, diagnosed last year, comfortably off, able to retire from paid employment and please myself, and reasonably confident and articulate. It's courageous of you to be so honest. But if more of us come forward and do so, very slowly and at first invisibly, the pattern will be challenged and eventually shift. And the beginning of change is living authentically, particularly if you are lucky enough to be able to do that without social isolation and insecurity. So thank you for reminding me of that.
I almost typed that message. In fact,. I typed a similar message to you recently. The meaning arrived wholly but all my words were borrowed — incomplete.
I was thinking in the quarter turn while reading The Future Won't Hold. It is a special kind of relief that the new series follows so soon afterwards. I feel something I can't quite name that Jamie is putting the words to it. Grateful, a little selfish, relieved....
I am similarly marketable and acceptable. Except my body is done. I don't have answers for why I hurt as much as I do. It feels so similar to my mind not being legible enough. The cause is not obvious but many things are possible. There's C-PTSD cost, burnout cost, Hyper mobility (but not EDS), injuries, postural deformations, anxiety, stress, and so on. The system wants the one that costs the least – that's the one thing I can know with certainty.
And yes, there's the part where I am surviving the collapse for longer because the ledger has some numbers remaining for me. Some options still if I'm willing to pay the cost. A mind and body both quitting but the override button is still visible most days.
I'm one of those who has very little support, a single mother of two neurodivergent young adults, none of us easily marketable. You express worry that your work won't reach those most vulnerable, and while I still enjoy some privilege as a white, cis woman, there are other vulnerabilities: my income is fixed, inflation is outpacing it. I have some creative ways to solve money problems, but there are other pressures, such as the pressure to perform my response to a collapsing future that doesn't make anyone else uncomfortable. Not too upset, or upset enough, but only in the "right" way.
My point is, maybe there are some whom your writing won't reach, but you have reached me, at least, and if me, likely others, too.
I relate strongly to a lot of this - late sixties, diagnosed last year, comfortably off, able to retire from paid employment and please myself, and reasonably confident and articulate. It's courageous of you to be so honest. But if more of us come forward and do so, very slowly and at first invisibly, the pattern will be challenged and eventually shift. And the beginning of change is living authentically, particularly if you are lucky enough to be able to do that without social isolation and insecurity. So thank you for reminding me of that.